Thanks for this letter, and for being so open. First, I want to say that this is the 21st century, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with having a fixation about your training partner and his hair. I think you should express this. It could be received as flattering, even thoughtful. At worst, “Shmeeter” will impose a restraining order on you and you’ll have to find another wheel to follow (we will touch on that in response to another letter in Uncle Pete’s Mailbag, from “Framed” of Florida).
But on the real issue you raise, you will be pleased to know that “Shmeeter” is in no danger at all. In fact, the hair pattern you observed was first documented among gladiators more than 2000 years ago. It was named foliculus gladiatus maximus, which roughly translates to “hair of the ultimate gladiator”. It is linked to extreme masculinity, which is perhaps a reason to be careful revealing your obsession to Mr. Shmeeter.
I checked with the Yale Center for Hair Research, and found that the attractive pattern can also be a product of wearing a bike helmet while riding at high speed over many years. The hair at the front weakens under the relentless blast of air through the vents (not the same thing as a headwind; we will discuss that in response to a letter from “Breezy" of Busselton). So, Shmeeter’s “problem” is that he is both extremely masculine and a fast rider.
I suppose you could propose that he wear a hat while running. Some triathletes – even those with loads of hair everywhere – do that. I pulled up an example from a recent race in Austin, Texas, of the triathlete who finished third in the 20-24 age group at a race called CapTex.
Note that the triathlete (his name is Chip) is wearing a hat.
Bye for now tri-friends! Keep those letters coming! It's a long season, and a little wisdom now might stop you from looking stupid when you race.
Uncle Pete
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